Posted by: Louise | April 21, 2010

tangled

It is kind of like living in the middle of a big tangle in your hair. There are so many strands to it. You can see through it, but there is this big tangle in between you and everything else.

Somedays you can tease the tangle apart, loosen it a little, even free up a hair or too – Ahh! That bit of my grief is about the sister I never got to know and here is the echo with my giraffe princess and Laura. Oh! This bit here isn’t sadness. It’s anger. And it is anger that, even in the middle of my grief, the repercussions of being molested as a child are still playing themselves out. And this bit here. This bit is the part of me that wants to protect others, reassure them I’ll be fine, and the battle it is doing with the part of me that wants to be honest with myself and take all the time I need to find my feet again, regardless of what others think – But then you try and tease out another bit of the tangle and a freed bit gets caught back up in it again and it is back to living with this knot between you and the world.

Hmmm. Conditioner? A good brush? Get my hair cut? How far can I push this analogy?

And you know I found my first grey hairs the other day. Two wiry horns sticking up at the front of my head. No sympathy from anyone….AT ALL. It took less than 24 hours for the thought to hit me – what are the chances of my first grey hairs being so conveniently placed right in my line of sight? I shouldn’t have looked, but I did. I’ve changed my mind about getting my hair highlighted.

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Responses

  1. Powerful words from the heart! You have painted with words a journey not of of your pain and grief, but also one of hope that in time the tangles and snarls will be released and life , with all of its joys and sorrows, will flow again.

    My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

    Peace
    Mark


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