Posted by: Louise | June 11, 2010

Grey’s Anatomy

I can’t watch Grey’s Anatomy without crying………. everytime.

It’s all I want a baby. But I don’t……. I have a baby, but I’m giving it up for adoption……. I love you, but I can’t do this for you……… Eventually, with time, you will remember your lost loved one and it won’t hurt quite so much. Cue disintegrating into heaving sobs (the telly this time). I miss him so much.

I’m clinging to every word, looking for a way out, a way forward, something to hang on to that will help me move from this place. I’ll grab anything. But you know what has me really sobbing in front of the telly? It’s when Callie turns to Arizona and says, babies are smelly and cry all the time and who would want one anyway? And thats it really. It’s the facts and the feelings. Babies are smelly. They do cry a lot. There are endless reasons not to want one and it is easy to say the reasons. But saying the reasons does not change the way you feel. Ok, she’s an actress. Those are her lines, but they could be mine. I could try and pretend too. It’s ok everyone. I’ve come to my senses. I don’t want a baby anymore. It was a crazy idea. A hormonal, grieving Mum bout of silliness. All gone. Now where were we?

How long do we have to sit with our feelings before they go away? Or failing that, what way is forward from here?

Paris was nice. Lovely. Sunshine. The Pompidou. The Eiffel Tower. Disney (deserves a whole post to itself. Suffice to say, its done now). More sunshine. Musee d’Orsay. Three lovely kids who allowed their parents a bit of their preferred culture. Nothing happened. Just holiday.

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Responses

  1. “How long do we have to sit with our feelings before they go away? Or failing that, what way is forward from here?”

    Louise, that’s huge. Well put. That’s not to say I’ve got an answer.

    Also, could you get in touch with me? Thanks… xo Kate


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