Posted by: Louise | October 6, 2010

Day 1 – a song

A lifetime ago (or about two years) K and I were watching Friday Night with Jonathan Ross – never a disappointment. Neil Diamond was one of his guests. I think Neil Diamond and I think naff, white trouser suits and Sweet Caroline.

He was lovely, a really nice guy…. and then he sang a song I’d never heard him sing before – Pretty Amazing Grace.

Not so very long after that I discovered I was pregnant with Laura and Pretty Amazing Grace became our song. She is Laura “Grace” because of that song. I loved that song. Initially it was pretty amazing Grace because of the sheer wonder of her, the surprise of her, growing there inside me.

Then we had our 12 week scan and there were concerns our Wonder might have Down’s Syndrome. I think the song became a prayer as I searched for a way forward, as I searched for hope, as I searched for a way to be strong for our daughter.

And then our Wonder died and this song was the song that was played at her funeral.

I thought I would always have this song, that it would always be a connection with my little Laura. The song is still there, but these days it is hollow – empty. And as I write this I wonder, maybe that is as it should be. Our growing child, full of weight and hope and life is gone from our lives. Her space is hollow – empty.

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Responses

  1. I have never heard that song. It is beautiful. I’m so glad that you are doing this too. I am excited to learn more about you. xo


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