Posted by: Louise | October 7, 2010

Day 2 – a movie

A movie that has helped me get through the hard times, or one that jumps out at me after my loss……….

Films have been slipping away from us for years now. It is the old “If I’m going to pay for a babysitter, I’m going to make it worth my while” excuse. I’ve missed so many of the films I want to see and then, on the rare occasion I decide to rent a movie, I can’t remember what any of those films are.

So, I’m afraid, it is more a case of “what films have I seen at all since Laura died” rather than what film has helped me since her loss? I did think about the film Shadowlands after Laura died. This film is about C.S. Lewis and his long term romance with Joy Gresham, whom he eventually marries, but she tragically becomes unwell and dies. I loved that film (I’m a sucker for Anthony Hopkins) or maybe that film is why I’m a sucker for Anthony Hopkins. Yes, it was desperately sad, but beautifully so.

It came back to me after Laura died, the name of the film as much as the film. Shadowlands – now I completely understood the title. Suddenly we were living in the shadowlands. Life was going on as normal for everyone else, but we were in the dark place where no one wanted to be. When you aren’t in shadow, your eyes are adjusted to the light. You can’t really make out what is in the shadows – and why would you want to? Shadowlands are a lonely place to be.

The film that jumps out at me has to be StepUP 3D and I hesitated about this only briefly – the part of me that said There is no story line worth anything in this film. It is a superficial excuse for music and fun and playing with 3D effects. How could that be my film? But, the kids and I went to see it twice, in the cinema. Unheard of for me. Interestingly K declined to join us on both occasions.

Earlier this summer we happened upon Street Dance 3D in the cinema. It was a very rainy July day and Street Dance was literally the only film on that I could bring the kids to. It was a hit. I love to dance. I have always loved dance movies, but it was the Giraffe Princess and Astro Boy’s first dance movie experience. They were hooked. The theatre, the city became a dance studio for them as the credits rolled, and a new genre of dance shows began in our house.

There was no stopping us when StepUp 3D was released. We were first in the door of the cinema. This time we had the Little Boy Racer with us too – a big risk. He isn’t a great fan of darkness and the films are always too loud for him. Add trying to keep him sitting still for nearly two hours – with 3D glasses on – and my enjoyment of the film was almost certainly going to be curtailed.

But no. He sat and stared at the screen until about 10 minutes from the end when the pull to start throwing his own shapes overwhelmed him and he was off – up, over and under anything he came into contact with – the others in pursuit as soon as the film was over.

I think this film stays with me because it was the first time in 15 months that I was actually swept away by something, something that wasn’t overwhelming tragic or sad – the current that had been carrying me with it for so long. It was all the sweeter for me because this wave was so shallow. And sweeter still because this wave caught, not just me, but the kids aswell.

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