Posted by: Louise | October 12, 2010

Day 11 – a photo of me now

Day 11 – a photo of me now and how it makes me feel

I’m kind of cheating here on two counts. I’ve skipped Day 10 and all you are getting here is my back (not for the first time). Apologies.

10 years ago photos were put into a big blanket chest at the end of our bed. the blanket chest currently has a pile of cushions (for the bench in our back garden which have got as far as our room, post Summer, and not been tidied away), the books we had for the kids in our hand luggage when we were away a month ago, some receipts, a few items of clothing and other random items on top of it. When I manage to clear that lot and finally get to open the chest, there will be years of memories to wade through. And then, I won’t have a scanner to upload the winning picture so will have to find my way around K’s high tech camera or wait until he comes home to take a picture of the picture, etc. etc.

Suffice to say I looked younger and definitely more carefree and Day 10 – a picture of me taken over ten years ago – may feature later than planned.

This picture is fresh – “when we were away one month ago” fresh. One of my many brothers was getting married and planned a wedding abroad that made me so glad I was already married. A new standard has been set for really, really lovely weddings in our family, and I am married so don’t have to measure up.

I have six brothers. My only sister died 16 days after she was born. Girls are a novelty in our family. Girliness is a novelty in our family. It has taken me a long time to embrace girliness. If I ever do find a “ten years ago” picture, you can be quite sure there will be jeans and baggy jumpers. Some time after the arrival of the Giraffe Princess, when for a brief period females dominated the household, I began to enjoy being a girl (woman took another few years).

For whatever reason, because heaven knows there have been deeper realisations, since Laura died I have become more comfortable/ accepting still of my womanhood. I can now compliment people on the nice cut of their jeans, or their hair. I can discuss face cream with the best of them, even offer advice. (Make-up is another days work)…………. And I am enjoying it.

In this picture I am sitting with my various sisters (in law) at my brother’s wedding. A very tired Giraffe Princess and her cousin-sister are hanging out with “us girls.” Over those fews days we discussed first kisses, tea towels, cellulite, face creams and gave a lot of thought to the three words that summed up each of our styles. I was the closest to really happy that I have been in a long time.



  1. I grew up with only boys as well. I only have brothers and boy cousins, so yes, being the only girl amongst boys was something else, special? I love that you say novelty. I can relate to what you you say so very much. I’m sorry your mum lost her daughter and you lost a sister. I would have loved a sister myself.

    The crazy, beautiful wedding thing is certainly something we missed, too. But a wedding abroad still sounds great and imho best and if others get a brilliant few days off as part of it, even better. Sometimes i wonder if we should do it again. As in celebrate our wedding abroad one more time. Small just a few and there would be lots of good food and wine and laughter and a pool side or sea side scenery. Lovely. And I think the photograph is radiating all that and you look exactly part of that feeling.


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