Posted by: Louise | March 13, 2011

ingredients of a study day

1 x mug of coffee
1 x bowl of muesli
1 x walk to school
1 x choking tears as a car speeds past with a police escort in the direction of the maternity hospital

1 x Berroca
1 x mug of rosehip tea
1 x menthol lozenge to jolt my brain
1 x bar of chocolate
1 x stick of gum

Several hours staring at the computer
Frequent meanderings to the place of “Is this my life?” “I want another baby” “Am I crazy to want that?” “Will I ever find a way to live with this unrequited longing?”
Back to the computer

Lunch

Panadol
1 x bagel
1 x slice of Granny’s coffee cake
1 x mug of fennel tea
1 x phonecall to health insurance to see if we can claim money back – unsuccessful
1 x phonecall to car insurance to see can we pay by direct debit – successful

Back to the computer

Fill oil burner with water and lemon oil to help me fight the 3.00pm slump
Spill water in the process all over my chair
1 x wet bum

Start this entry on my blog….

Back to my studies

Load my ipod with music for the kids
Hang laundry to try and beat 4.00pm slump
1 x menthol lozenge to jolt my brain

Back to the computer
Make it to the end of my data analysis (for now)
Dash out to collect the kids

Dinner

15 mins completing the ultimate procastinatory activity (see below)

Back to my studies……………………

I can’t resist it.
I have named it Pro-castle-ation

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Responses

  1. :=)))
    I think you’re pro-castle-nation is splendid.

    I’m glad I’m not studying just now. Instead I’m floating and procrastinating is a dangerous territory for me because those haunting thoughts tend to grab me, wrestle me to the ground and threaten to eat me live – monster thoughts
    “…
    Frequent meanderings to the place of “Is this my life?” “I want another baby” “Am I crazy to want that?” “Will I ever find a way to live with this unrequited longing?”…
    big hug to you my friend,
    love to the castle builder
    love to you

  2. *exhales* Yes.

    nearly a year for me now. No rainbow baby. Freddie was my rainbow bby and I don’t have him. It feels endless.

  3. I thought I’d hidden my heart’s endless cry neatly in amongst the trivia there.

    I know I’m not alone, but a lot of the time I do feel lonely even among the inhabitants of dead baby land. Thank you both for reading my heart.

    I am so very sorry I am not alone in this place. xxxx

    • sorry, Louise, no trivia here 🙂

      I know this place sucks in a big way, but boy am I glad I’m not alone, might be selfish, but I think i would have stayed in the deep end and drowned if it wasn’t for the friends I met swimming.

      xxoo

  4. It is beautiful.. wherever did you find such a project?

    Are you crazy to want that.. I think no.. and I hope that whatever your heart seeks right now you will find yourself surrounded by some form of possibility reaching out to make it a reality- whichever way you answer that question for yourself.


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