Posted by: Louise | October 24, 2011

spoken word blog round up

Joining with Angie at Still Life 365 in the Spoken Word Blog Round Up.

This is a post I wrote back in July called losing my words – using my words. I had gone away with the kids to mind my friend’s children for a week. We had a lovely time, a really lovely time. I felt the closest to myself that I had felt in a very long time and yet when K came to join us I couldn’t find the words to tell him.

I wrote about the time in an effort to find words – to “use words” as I so often ask the children to do. Here I am now speaking those lost words.

I recorded it, but haven’t watched it yet. I was afraid if I did I’d never post it….



  1. Oh but I’m so glad you did post it.

    Thank you for sharing your words, and yourself, with us. Beautiful. Your last paragraphs really resonate with me.

  2. Me too 🙂 Thank you for being so brave. I loved hearing your words. Wishing you and remembering Laura with you x

  3. I read this post not that long ago. I remember thinking how strong you were and totally understanding that woman that for a moment held on a little tighter and imagined what it would have been like if the two year old in your arms was your own.
    Your words are even more beutiful when spoken out loud.

    Thank you for letting us in for a moment.

  4. You have a beautiful voice, and this was so very moving. I could listen to your voice all day. Would love it if you could record more of your posts.
    Thank you for joining in.

  5. Oh my beautiful friend it was both lovely and heartbreaking to hear this post read aloud. I am holding Laura in my thoughts tonight and sending you a big hug from across the pond. And PS.. picture. Coming. Promise. xo

  6. Oh how you calm me. Your voice and demeanor, well at least what I perceived. I too am educated and have opportunity and find meaning outside the home. I always thought this independence would define me and make me “not my mother” trapped in her world of mothering….That is what I thought as a young person…until I had children, and then and now I define myself as a mother and could think of nothing better in the world. The education and independence seems secondary. I do so wish we had our girls. I feel we will always be looking around for our phantom babies and our shadow life that lies just outside our grasp but on the forefront of our memories. Beautiful post. I am glad you got to experience yourself in a more complete manner…if for even but a week.

  7. I enjoyed listening to you reading your words. I agree with Hope’s Mama, your voice is beautiful.

    I’m so sorry for your pain and heartache, sending big love to you.

  8. Thank you so much for posting, you have such a beautiful voice. I simply loved this post, I remember it well the idea of that biological process blindly continuing in the absence of the child that might have been is one that has stayed with me and has helped me to understand my own feelings in similar situations. Why it still feels as though I have been robbed, even after all this time. Astro boy’s little comment still made me cry and wryly smile. Your beautiful little Laura.
    Like Sally, if you feel like recording any posts, I would love to listen to them xo

  9. You have a beautiful voice. I read this post, and it touched me then, but hearing you speak the words has me breathless. So much truth in your words. as you talk about holding your friends daughter, I can feel myself aching for my missing two year old to be in my arms, on my hip.
    Thank you so much for sharing your video. x

  10. God, Louise, this is so achingly beautiful. I remember reading this post and how powerful it was written, but hearing your gorgeous voice, Louise, wow. I want to hear you read everything. I just love this piece because of the ordinariness of it from the outside–a trip away with kids, babysitting, and how it transforms to something different in us.Thank you for sharing it. Maybe we should do a project where other people nominate posts they want to hear aloud.

  11. What a beautiful, calming voice you have Louise, like a lullaby. And this is such a mesmerising post.
    I’ve come over from Angie’s project.
    So much resonated here. The unspoken words and the fragility of a marriage/relationship in the aftermath of the loss of a child. But, mostly “There are no words for those moments. You have no idea she thought, no idea” and, “the child she wanted so desperately now, the possibility that I must continue to mourn”. I mourn for Joseph, but also the possibility of any future chillen. And, I mourn for Laura.
    Thankyou for sharing. xo

  12. So much here, Louise. I am in love with your voice, the lilt and depth and music of it, the quiet intensity of it. I love this post that you chose and what it says about healing and loss and language, and I’m so grateful you were brave enough to post this. There’s so much love and thought here, and it shows in your beautiful face and in your voice.

    What you write about that other loss and of the difficulty of speaking in that fragile space deeply resonated with me, and the last lines gave me chills.

    Love to you.

  13. I really love your voice, and I loved listening to this. I can relate to so much that you wrote about motherhood, loss, fulfillment. Thank you so much for sharing this. And I miss your girl with you.

  14. Your accent gives such richness to the way you say these words but, actually, they were rich already. You evoked your days out so powerfully and I totally understood what you said about that fragile space where words might not fit.

    Thank you for taking part in this project, Louise.

  15. Simply, wow. Your voice is like music and just amazing beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing. ❤

  16. I just loved this. Your words, your voice, seeing you, your bravery, all of it.

    Thank you.

    Cathy in Missouri

  17. Incredible. Thank you for sharing. xo

  18. Oh, I know that feeling. I held a boy, not the same age that my boy would have been, but a lovely boy and had such a feeling of completeness. My living girls are more than I could ever ask for, but holding that boy that day took my breath away.

    (making my way through the round up – thank you for participating)

  19. Hearing your voice, the quiet softness of it. . . The lilt of your Irish and the gentle cadence of your words is haunting. Your an amazing writer.

  20. Your voice has such a peaceful, calming effect. Thank you for sharing.

  21. I think you’re so right about the feeling in holding that little girl. There is a definite need to mother even though they aren’t here. ♥♥

  22. There is definitely a need to hold….thank you for sharing.

  23. Wow, beautiful. And what that man said at the gallery. You wrote about that perfectly. What a hard moment that was.

  24. I just saw this post today Louise & I can only imagine how much courage it takes to write those words and then speak them and share them with us… I’m missing little Laura right along with you.
    Your words, your voice, your video resonate with emotion, and the quietness of it all makes it even more powerful.

    So proud of you for sharing this xx

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